you're not my neighbor.

I was late for work Friday morning (like every other morning) because I find ways to completely ignore my alarm clock. For all I know, I wake up and turn the damn thing off in my sleep.


Even though it happens every day, it's still fucking annoying.

I skip the shower, skip the shaving, throw on clothes I already wore that week, and head out the door. But I hear something. I stop. Somebody is.. Crying.. Outside.

I open the door and cautiously peek my head out. I'm already late for work, so if I can avoid this situation I can at least just say traffic was bad or something.

The cries were chilling.

The weeping continues. "Is anybody awake....?" "Please... Somebody...?"

Now I'm thinking one of my neighbors has fallen over while water her plants, and start walking downstairs to find out what's happening. As soon as I see her, I know she doesn't live here.

"Hello... Can you give me a dollar for some sweet tea....?" She says, sitting in my neighbors deck chair outside his door. I can't believe her wails didn't wake him up.

"Ummm." I reply, kind of scared, "I don't have any cash. And, see, I gotta get to work."

She acts on primal instincts, "But I'm just so hungry."

OK. She wants sweet tea because she's hungry? Fair enough. "I'm really late for work... I, uh, gotta get going!"

"I just really wish you had a dollar. I just wish you had one. A dollar." She continues mumbling and I begin to think she doesn't know exactly where she is or maybe who she is.

"I'm Sue." I'm wrong, she knows her name. "And this is Samuel." She's holding a Ken doll. She lifts him up and moves his arm to wave at me. I'm still standing on the staircase and she's a good 30 feet away and I'm thinking maybe I could just toss her my honey bun (which I really wanted for breakfast) and make a break for it. But then I thought, she's not some ravenous animal. She's a human being.

I walk over to her, hand her my delicious breakfast, and notice she has painted a tiny red lipstick smear on Samuel.



"Thank you, this looks yummy!" She croaks as she starts tearing at the package with her teeth. "Maybe Samuel and I will see you after work....?"

Samuel stares blankly.

I ran.

I don't understand how to draw perspective.

Disclaimer: I took these photos from my vintage camera phone. I know they suck.